'I'll never forget': Lydia Williams explains how the Matildas helped her find herself in emotional farewell letter

The curtain has finally fallen for the longest-serving Matilda, Lydia Williams.

The 36-year-old informed Australians and the side's global fans that she would be hanging up her gloves in the national team following Paris 2024.

Her 19-year journey on the team, which led to more than 100 caps for her country, came to an end with Tony Gustavsson's former squad's 2-1 loss to the United States.

Thankfully, her farewell was honoured on home soil almost two months prior under happier circumstances.

Williams penned a letter, addressed to the Matildas shortly before their Olympic exit, and showed the squad's bond went beyond the pitch.

She shared just how much the side had meant in her life, touching on racism, the intergenerational impact of the Stolen Generation, growing up in an interracial family, her own depression, and the impact of her father's passing at age 15.

The Melbourne Victory goalkeeper dubbed the Tillies "like a second family" to her and credited the power of sport for helping her find her way.

"I was depressed. I felt lost and helpless. And I was still struggling with my identity crisis," she wrote in The Players' Tribune piece addressed to the side. 

"All the pain and grief got mixed up with this feeling of not fitting in anywhere."

"When Dad died. My world was falling apart," Williams continued.

"Every time I wanted to give up, my mind went back to what he told me in the hospital. 'Keep going, Lydia. Keep making me proud'. Had he not said that, I would not have found the strength to continue.

"The last thing that kept me going, was my mates. My friends from school. My first teammates. The Matildas.

"I began opening up to a therapist around this time because I know that the grief would simply have been unbearable without that. But since I had games to play, I also had no time to let the pain overwhelm me.

"You needed me and I needed you. If I made mistakes, it was OK. If I broke down crying in training, nobody told me to go home.

"And I’ll never forget being at Dad’s memorial service, and spotting four or five teammates from the Matildas. I didn’t really know you outside of training at that time, and you didn’t know Dad at all. You were in your mid-20s, I was in school. But you showed up.

"You helped me go from being a shy little girl to a senior player who had the confidence to use her voice," she added.

"You helped me find my identity. You helped me become me."

She began her career in the national team with her first camp call-up at just 15 years old. Two years later, in July 2005, she earned her first cap in her debut match against the Korea Republic.

Since then, Williams has registered 104 international caps for the Matildas spanning six Asian Cups, five World Cups and three Olympic Games.

She's also gone on to win numerous individual and team awards at the top level - PFA Footballer of the Year twice, A-League Women's Goalkeeper of the Year three times, two ALW premierships, the 2010 Asian Cup, and the Cup of Nations twice - and play at some of the biggest clubs in the world like Arsenal and Paris Saint-Germain.

And has lobbied for equality, becoming one of the campaign's main faces during the 2015 Collective Bargaining Agreement strike fighting for improved conditions and minimum wage in the women's national program.

Williams was also involved in 2019 when the Tillies secured equality with the Socceroos through their CBA, guaranteeing the team improved funding, investment and camp conditions to put them equal with the men and further professionalise the program.

But it may have never happened had she not watched the iconic scenes of Cathy Freeman winning the 400-metre gold medal and her historic victory lap at the Sydney 2000 Games.

The proud Kuku Yalanji woman was draped in an Aboriginal flag, walking around the track barefoot. The imagery of Freeman feeling the ground beneath her feet - just like Williams "did in the bush" - was when something clicked.

It was at that moment, the former Gunner and PSG shot-stopper realised "an Aboriginal woman can be a national hero".

That was why she set out to inspire the next generation of Aboriginal athletes.

That's also why she was spotted crying by the goalpost following Australia's final Women's World Cup match last August, having realised she had achieved what she had set out to do.

But the waterworks didn't stop there, her farewell less than 10 months later made sure of that.

"I broke down crying again when Evonne Goolagong Cawley gave me the booka before the game. It’s a piece of clothing made out of three kangaroo skins sewn together, and it’s traditional in my mob.

"When Evonne presented it, I just got this feeling of having done all this not just for myself, but for Dad, Mum, and my culture.

"I can’t imagine a better way to say goodbye.

"You know that I won’t be going away. I’ll be here to continue to help grow Australian football and women’s football in general and I’ll always be cheering for you now on the sidelines. The game has given me so much that it would be criminal for me not to put something back in.

"A year ago my partner actually met an Aboriginal couple who said that they were seeing kids running around where I grew up, playing football instead of AFL. That to me felt like a full circle. 

"Obviously there is only one Cathy Freeman, but if I have inspired just one Aboriginal girl like me to put on her goalkeeper gloves, then that’s an incredible thing.

"And if not, then I still succeeded. It was still all worth it. You know why? Because I know I made my dad proud."

Her emotional letter followed her final tournament in France and her farewell ceremony before the Tillies' 2-0 victory over China PR on June 3.

The proceedings before the first whistle gave a nod to her Indigenous roots as a Noongar woman and drew tears from Williams herself, her teammates and all those watching at Accor Stadium or on television as well.

She played the majority of the first half before making way for Mackenzie Arnold, who she passed the No. 1 jersey onto in an emotional video that drew attention on Late Night with Seth Meyers from the A-list host himself and Hollywood comedian Amy Poehler.

Williams was later named as an alternate for Gustavsson's Olympic squad - behind Arnold and Teagan Micah - which came after she made her return from ankle surgery.

Originally published for Optus Sport on August 3, 2024